The People's Perception in China

Well I recently took a two month trip traveling through China. I thought it would be a great thing for a site that speaks so highly of the place to actually write an article about my experiences there. Should be interesting.

Look for it at the end of next week on PeoplePerception.com (After we make the proper DNS tranfers from our servers).

In the meantime, keep browsing our older articles. Some of Comrade Bhattacharyya's works really made me laugh as I'm reading through them now.

By the way, Google tells me that I can't "tell" you to click the ads on this site.

-The Commie

Reviving Old Articles

We will be working on new articles at the same time that we are restoring our archived articles. Design's not as nice as our old site but its a lot nicer knowing the server won't go down at random times when the 50 year old homeless man in charge of them goes to take a shit.

At times you may see articles on this site moved around in terms of publication date.

All articles you see posted before this post are in the process of being tranferred from my old website into blog form on blogger. There's 27 original articles in all. The People's Perception published these articles between the years 2004 to 2006 and some of the original published dates may be unadjusted for awhile.

Now to get that old hate mail section up.

Amesty International Are Self-Righteous Shits

NEWARK, New Jersey — On the list of self-righteous-bull-shitters, slightly below the Nazi PETA, but above those awful self-torturing vegans, are human rights groups, the most notorious of them all, Amnesty International. As the name does not suggest, Amnesty’s goal is not anything close to amnesty for anyone, except maybe for the group’s own bullshit morals.

Amnesty’s goal, and I’ll even quote the site’s own words is supposedly to “campaign for internationally recognized human rights. (Amnesty.org, 07/25/2006)”

Human rights? When I think human rights I think about the right to have enough subsistence to survive. Anyone would think that is an important right, but that’s not on Amnesty’s agenda when they protest sweatshops and underage employment in developing nations.

It’s rather easy for a bunch of Amnesty fucks out in their designer t-shirts, drinking bottled spring water, and shoving food into their fat fucking mouths to tell the world’s poorest that they deserve better working conditions.

If the poverty driven inhabitants of developing countries were able to get better jobs, they would. Sweatshops just happen to be comparatively the best working conditions available. If companies were going to increase pay to the “standards” of Amnesty, companies would not bother outsourcing in the first place. Like religious nuts, Amnesty does not understand that people are perfectly capable of making their own decisions, if workers felt that they were able to push for better conditions, well you had better guess they would.

Nonetheless, logic does not stop Amnesty. In one case, Amnesty lobbied Wal-Mart to ban underage workers in their sweatshops in India. “They’ll go back to school,” says Amnesty (very few of them did). The rest of the children went to find work to help support their families, boys going into more backbreaking labor, and girls into child prostitution. Nicely done Amnesty you stupid shits, because what goes better with human rights than child prostitution.

What are human rights Amnesty, when humans determine everything relative to those of others? The vast majority of the Amnesty Propaganda is so out of basic economic thinking that it hides the minute amount important issues they manage to work on. Another complaint on China’s middle class one child law? Take it up with my friends Overpopulation and Disease.

My advice to you Amnesty, get the fuck out of politics entirely and stick to protesting against discrimination. Hire yourself a logical thinker before taking action, high school children are not the most straight shooters. In high school I knew a short fat four-eyed fuck in the school's Amesty International group who made paper flowers to send to domestically abused Turkish women, I think the stupidity of Amesty speaks for itself.

RIAA and MPAA Sues Unborn Fetus for Proprietary Loss

NEWARK, New Jersey — The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) and Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) have filed a joint lawsuit against Unborn Fetus, and Does 1-10 in a California District Court seeking relief for “irreparable harm.” The lawsuit demands reparations of $600,000.

Court papers filed on January 21, 2006 allege that Unborn Fetus and Does 1-10 have come under the enjoyment of several movies and songs originally sold to their soon-to-be mothers. The suit claims that the defendants have not reimbursed the plaintiff for the proprietary work of companies represented by the two trade groups.

“We have been unable to name our defendant due to the fact that he is currently lodged in the abdomen of a 25 year old woman,” says MPAA lawyer Kerri O’Connor. “We seek preliminary and permanent injunctive relief through the immediate abortion of Unborn Fetus and Does 1-10.”Unborn Fetus has suffered serious abnormalities, which doctors correlate to the pending lawsuit.

Unborn Fetus has suffered serious abnormalities, which doctors correlate to the pending lawsuit.

Asked who Does 1-10 implicated she answered, “We believe that other mothers with their fetuses have been walking in and out of the room. We don’t know whether the Fetuses are conspiring to watch movies together, and committing other crime, but it costs the same to sue one person as it does a hundred people.”

Tests show that Unborn Fetus has been under extremely high stress and has been unable to carry about normal day-to-day fetus activities as of late.

In February 2006, the RIAA and other copyright industry associations filed that that space shifting and format shifting, such as transfering music from a CD to a computer, do not count as non-infringing use, even if that person owns the CDs.

A statement released by Cary Sherman, president of the RIAA said, “We believe that Unborn Fetus has been involved in listening to music played on the Apple iPoo during the mother’s pregnancy. The action clearly violates the Digital Millennium Copyright Act.”

Sherman then continued to spit out a series of incomprehensible lawyer jargon.


The soon-to-be-mother Vonnessa McBride, 25, is not happy, she exclaims, “How is I suppose to control what my Fetus do! They ask me to get an abortion because he or she is in the same room watching them crap movies and hearing them shitty songs with me?” She added angrily, “This is just some white ass bullshit from some man named after a woman. He knows I gots no money in the bank and barely manage to feed myself, how many folks like me do they sue to pay for them big ass $700,000 house in Burbank.”


Sherman, quickly changed the subject when mentioned the insult on his feminine name answering, “Kids today are always on their Googles, and their Internets. They always try to World Wide Webbing their music. Unborn Fetus should have known to shut its developing eyes and ears when he or she heard the music playing. In that case, we would have agreed to a $500,000 settlement, because he did still listen to the beginning of the song and/or movie.”
On the sideline, Ms. Kerri O’Connor chimed in, “We at the RIAA and MPAA are doing great things! Should Unborn Fetus settle with our generous offer of $600,000 he or she will have learned a great lesson…that can only extreme poverty can teach best.”

Betting on the Stock Market

The point of the market is to dump your shares to the bigger fool and anyone who invests their money in it know that the system is a fraud. Assuming you don't have hundreds of thousands of dollars that you're willing to lose, your net return is not worth the risk of your loss. Forget about paying your child's college outragous $40,000/yr college tuition, you would be lucky to keep up with inflation.

Ten Points for capitalism, the stock market truly is an efficient system…at screwing people. For the cash I spend to buy shares of Wal-Mart, I could go to Taiwan and buy myself three sweatshop kids to make me cheap stuff first hand, literally. If you’re not up for exploiting Taiwan labor, you’re a communist. Trading stocks of companies that exploit cheap Taiwan labor makes you a coward.

I was playing with my cash at the stock exchange for the last couple of months, so far, I'm up a unbelivable 37%, am I happy? No. It was obviously fake money.

Here are three simple questions to determine what you should do as an investor.

1. You are a risk taker with exceptional talent in mathematics can predict human behavior


2. You are very lucky


3. You have illegal insider information on corporations
   

If you answered yes to number 1 and/or 2, the answer is quite simple: get the hell out of stock trading and buy into a good mutual fund where they can care for your special needs. Monkeys can pick stocks as well as any stock analyst, proven fact, look it up.

Investing in the US and A

In his 2005 State of the Union Address, President Bush, highlighted the idea of privatizing social security, which would allow a portion of individual income to go into the stock market. This plan however, fractures more easily than fossilized crap.

The United States taxes regressively, the more you make the less you pay. For example, this website generates an average of $1 a day (it's really more like $0.25), while a friend of mine makes $1,000 a day. If I buy a bottle of Uncle Sam’s Propaganda-Punch-in-the-Face for $1, the 6% sales tax represents 6% of my daily income but only 0.006% of my friend’s. Though I sleep well at night knowing that I pay back such a high percentage of my income to society, I can't help but wonder whether I'm getting a bad deal.

No matter what The Wealth of Nations claim, capitalism is a win-lose game. Unless you are an US Senator, you will not beat the market by 12% annually (New Yorker 2005-10-31). The odds of beating the market long term is decent, but don’t kid yourself into thinking there won’t be a large group of elderly whose investments will get screwed worse than Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter.

Final Words of Wisdom

To the low capital investor, invest what you’re willing to lose, capitalism is best at taking the little guy's money.

The "stockster" team (little white guy, fat white guy and black guy), those are bullshitters who probably snuck into someone's company to take the photo.

Don’t fall for scammers like thestockster.com. These are pumpers who ride a stock up like a cheap whore and then sell them faster than europeans give small pox blankets.

Finally, don't fall for those fat guys on tv telling you to come to their stock seminars...scam.

"Hello, suicide hotline?"

Dissecting Michael Jackson Some More

I was watching the news on NBC the yesterday, then ABC, then CBS, Sesame Street, and all of a sudden it hits me, the public can't get enough of Michael Jackson's trial even once its over. I can’t get enough of how every piece of fucking media is devoted to his case, most of them siding with the little Mexican kid who claims Jackson molested him. Well I’ve got news for you kid, I'm calling you a liar.

This was how I came up with a better idea, let’s not talk more about Michael Jackson, the man deserves some quality Me-Time after all the trash he’s been through. Instead, let’s talk about someone who doesn’t deserve Me-Time, pseudo-cancer boy Gavin Arvizo whom Jackson allegedly “molested.”

Take a good look at Arvizo trying to molest Jackson with his ugly face.


What do you suppose this little Hitler is staring at? I’ll tell you what he’s thinking under that little fag-do he passes for a haircut, that he and his carousel mother can rip another fine gentleman out of hard earned cash. Why does the media insist on refering to this twit as a “cancer victim?” They manage to leave out that the boy’s "cancer" is leukemia, at but a 43% mortality rate, it’s a lame excuse for sickness much less cancer.

It should have been as easy as kicking an ice skating black kid’s ass to figure out that Michael Jackson is innocent. If Michael Jackson wanted to molest Hispanic children, he has the money to fly to any country where child prostitution is on the rampage, for example, Thailand or Cuba.

Why would anyone take a second glance at this trial and believe this runt’s plastic claim? Who else but that fat bum Jay Leno would ever publicly state “You’re going to prison” nearly every single night since the case began. Leno should stick to telling his poorly written jokes and secretly scratching his balls with his big fucking chin when he thinks no one is looking. Leno is quoted saying "I guess they [the defense] have never seen my show," that's because your show sucks.

Its sad how society in general attacks the frail or the kindhearted. Thugs holding the elderly at knife point for a few dollars, robbers pretending to need a drink of water to get into homes, that Nigerian woman who wants to transfer fifteen million dollars into my bank account. Well to all of you pricks I say this, noddy noddy!

Does this face look like it would ever molest anyone?

No, of course it doesn’t.

Taiwan: America's Bitch Since 1949

God damn I hate Taiwan, what the hell has that shit hole of a place ever done for me except keeping me up at 11:37 to write about how much it sucks. Well at least that little piece of fucking cancer is about to get a good old fashion kick in the face after the 2896 to 0 vote (2 absentee) by China’s National People's Congress which allows the use of force to keep the egg island from breaking away. Honestly, I don’t know why people look at Taiwan as China’s egg on the map. I guess I’m the only one who thinks it looks like a dysfunctional piece of shit.

China is great, 99.9% of the people show up to vote. That’s 99.9% out of 2898. The Senate and House can take a lesson, no one ever shows up to vote, which is how they passed the Patriot Act in the middle of the night.

Of course the first piece of propaganda coming out of Taiwan’s Taipei Times assures its pitiful citizens “New law has victims on both sides,” and they’re not wrong…at least if by both sides they meant the Taiwan and the “Taiwanese.” The BBC News reports Taiwan as saying “Taiwan blasts China 'provocation',” somehow I think China has already “provoked” Taiwan with the 700 missiles pointed at it, at the very least we’ll show Taiwan our meaning of “blast.” Then we can present Taiwan with their new flag.

It’s about time China passed this law. Taiwan is like that short bully in elementary school who’s big brother is the only thing stopping you from stabbing him with a fork. Now Taiwan is still sort of like that except the big brother is mentally retarded and can’t really help.

What the hell is wrong with all these retard places in China. Did you hear about Chief Executive Tung Chee-hwa who stepped down in Hong Kong then insisted on talking to the press in his broken English? Hey asshole, guess what country you’re in. You can also do everyone a favor by spelling your name properly you Victoria Bitch.

Well Taiwan can protest China all it wants but they can only inbreed for so long. Oh, by the way, to my Taiwan buddies, please stop mistreating mainland citizens who live on your rat hole of an island we’re going to need our mainland people back for when we use Taiwan as a nuclear testing site.

Taiwan, you whores can thank us later for saving your ass from SARS

Fuck the Falun Gong

Who the fucks are those people doing their little pussy dance in your beautiful park? Those are our dear old Falun Gong followers. This array of cultists composes mainly of unsuccessful middle-aged men and women. I don’t know whether these people have tried wiping their ass after taking in all that shit Falun Gong teaches, but that is definitely the first step to a better life.

If wasting your time sticking your ass into the air on 12th Avenue is suppose to be in protest against the Chinese government, it’s obviously not working. The Consulate was on vacation; therefore, the only thing appreciating these bastards’s ballet dance was the desolate building.
Nevertheless, apparently, the cultists believed that I, in my car, would be fonder of their pointless protest. As one of them came towards me with their pathetic yellow fliers, I can only think of one thing “IT’S GO TIME!” I picked up the shiny new wooden baseball bat I bought a few hours before and hit a grand slam on that person’s chest just as he was handing me his homemade flyer.

Here’s a nice trivial fact, on January 23, 2001, the eve of Chinese Lunar New Year, seven Fucklun Gong (coined) followers set themselves on fire on Tiananmen Square in pursuit of "heavenly glory." If the fine men and women serving in the police force hadn’t notice that seven people setting themselves on fire is slightly out of the ordinary, Hao Huijun, one of the survivors of this incident wouldn’t be quoted saying today, "What Li Hongzhi gave me is nothing but a badly burnt face. (Source: Xinhua)”

Here are specific reasons why YOU should stay away from Falun Gong

• You’re a follower of scientific facts: Mr. Li claims he “came from nothing and formed into something,” You can imagine how hurt this guy's mother must feel.




• If you’re a believer of that jealous Jewish/Christian/Muslim God here’s a quote from Li Hongzhi, the founder “I will also offer you salvation and turn you into Gods.”

If you happen to be in Brooklyn and bump into Li Honzhi, perform the on screen instructions. By the way, if you bag this guy and ship him off to Beijing, you'll probably get a nice cash reward for serving him a fine plate of justice.

I should try something before I condemn it. That’s why before I left my Falun buddy I got a quick lesson on the Falun. Apparently, the Falun absorbs energy into the body when turned clockwise, and eliminates wastes when turned the other way, well it inevitably turns to this.

America: Democracy at Work

Only the retarded kid dumb enough to go to the Never Land Ranch would believe that America is the best country in the world, that this is democracy at its best. Who’s that delusional fool that claims America is evil but less evil when compared to everyone else? Well I’m here to tell you that this country is a piece of shit! I’m here to present what everyone knows deep down, to say to America and each one of its Klansmen, hillbillies, and the never-ending array of poorly mixed-blooded children that this is the shittiest country I have ever seen.

Every Bushy, blind worshippers of that senile half-dead Catholic Pope and all their child-molesting friends should pack up their firstborn, dump that slow-witted piece of shit you pass for a child on the lawns of the White House as a sacrifice to Dick Cheney who will eat the bean sized brain they inherited from their parents. The US just proved it’s a complete waste of time.

I’m probably offending the one person with an internet connection with AOL dialup. I can understand why the hillbilly state of Whyoming, with an average IQ of 89 (source: IQ and the Wealth of Nations) and corpse-fucking inhabitants singing the trashy Wyoming song could vote Bush. However, there is no justifying why Ohio voted fascist. What kind of lame excuse is “Kerry didn’t connect with farmers?” I suppose farmers enjoy degrading themselves by connecting with a drunk whose uneducated wife and hillbilly children defeat in intellect, dumbshits.

Then there’s always Florida, the nastily shaped state where senile bastards that look like George’s mom go to die. Nice job old people, you bunch of wrinkly neo-Nazis for making the decision to stand in the voting line instead of the doctor’s to get that flu shot America doesn’t have. Hurricanes my ass, I bet the water is what rejuvenated your rotting skin enough to get you to hit Bush on the screen., or maybe it was one of those mysterious malfunctions of the polling machines that kept on selecting Bush, I’m not kidding with this one, there are actually machines that kept on selecting Bush.

Did half the country suddenly decide to wear pillowcases and vote for someone naïve enough to tell the media “My brother says we’re going to win Ohio and Florida” and his satanic running mate? Who knows, maybe Cheney is really just a nice old man who became CEO of Halliburton by handing out candies to everyone.

If this is a joke…It’s a pretty good joke.

The Worst Show on Television

I use to wake up on Saturday mornings at 5am to catch two reruns of Scooby-Doo on Canada’s Teletoon, and then flip over to Y-TV to join Bugs Bunny on his always-exhilarating adventures. Years later, I would tune into Seinfeld, and Frasier on NBC, then the Simpsons, and my personal favorite, Family Guy on Fox. Someone should sentence to life to whoever canceled Family Guy for two years because it got lower ratings than Survivor. Hey! I got a great idea for the next Survivor Series its call “Survivor AIDS,” how it works is, we have all the contestants contract AIDS and see who survives!

Of course, with the good comes the bad. I don’t mean bad as in “this show is shit,” I mean bad as in “I’d rather suffocate in shit then watch another second of this show.” The “show” I’m referring to is of course, Dennis Miller.

For those who don’t know, Miller is a very retarded far right ringer. That alone is nothing too bad, the fact that he’s not funny, has zero talent, and is greatly despised even by the homeless man I gave $0.25 last week to let me quote how much he hates Dennis Miller. "I hate Dennis Miller," says a homeless guy.

On a recent Tonight Show appearance in June, Dennis Miller said the following, “You can use a credit card at McDonalds now. Yeah, because what fun is being morbidly obese if you're not bankrupt too.” Yes, very clever, Americans must blame McDonald’s dollar menu for making them bankrupt, good job dumbshit. Didn’t like that one well this is guaranteed to make you jump off a building laughing, “John Kerry had arthroscopic surgery. Evidently, he had some repetitive stress injury. I think it was from all those years of changing his vote in the Senate.”

Here’s a quick quiz, the question is “Does Dennis Suck?” These are the choices: Yes.

Miller’s latest show on CNBC, with the uncreative title “Dennis Miller,” begins with him pretending to be a news anchor, while making “witty” comments. For example, "15,000 people auditioned for the new American Idol, wow, 15,000 maybe I can sing too (pause) no I can't (pause) its times like this that makes me happy I have that brain thinking, (no one laughs), maybe I should have had my brain thinking and not tell that joke (dead silence)." I find laundry spinning in a dryer more entertaining than that Miller's humor. I suppose we should applause him for saying anything at all, this is the man who once told an off joke then decided it would be hilarious to leave his seat for five minutes! I’ll just assume that it’s supposed to be hilarious and that all ten people in his audience are dunces for not laughing. Is the news just more funny than his commentary? I'd have laughed if he had said, 15,000 people auditioned for the latest American Idol, maybe with 15,000 people offline, I can finally get better download speeds on my lesbian porn...it's funny because its true.

Which brings me to another point, the best late night shows such as The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, or Late Night with Conan O'Brien have hundreds of people in their audience who genuinely express their enjoyment through laughter, others like Letterman at least keep their applause signs working. However, they never have the common courtesy to thank the audience every time they applause like Dennis does? They would have to do so a couple hundred more times than Dennis each night, but you never know if you don't try.

I enjoy Dennis Miller for the monkey on his show, which he dresses in a diaper and throw rocks at the entire show to piss it off, where the hell is PETA when you need them? PETA should stop bitching over the quality of pot rats are smoking in labs and get that poor monkey off the stage. I would rather be a human gunnie pig testing makeup for ugly people, who should stop kidding themselves, than be anywhere near Dennis Miller and his mix of racist, sexist, over the top conservative act. Plus I don't like having rocks thrown at me.

Here are my suggestions to Dennis Miller

1. Stop using beginning your sentences with "Now I don't mean to get off on a rant here." - You're getting off on a rant we know that, so either shut up or finish it so everyone can go home and agree with me on how much you suck.


2. Commit suicide - Seriously, your ratings will go through the roof once people realize that your pathetic show has been replaced with The People's Perception with The Commie.

Now I don’t mean to get off on a rant here, but Dennis Miller should stop being a whore, of course that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Notice: 07-16-2005: As of May 2005, CNBC cancelled Dennis Miller. Sucker.

The True Spirit of Sport

On August 13, the Olympic flames will ignite in the city of Athens uniting the world under one banner. However, there are always those brain-dead little assholes intent on screwing with the well-being of the rest of us.

With five days left until the gathering of the best athletes in the world, we still hear bastards complaining about the ineffectiveness of drug testing. Of course, there are also those who believe that there shouldn’t be any drug testing at all. So once again, I must call upon my great array of wisdom to solve this problem. Here’s my solution, there will no longer be drug testing at any Olympic event, all athletes must now take steroids on a daily basis. This is great idea eliminates the need for drug testing while enhancing the competition, it’s like killing two birds with one stone, and since the plan is fool proof, you don’t need to worry about the birds crapping on you in case you miss.

With all the terrific sports in the Olympics, there are some that are slightly questionable, I’m referring of course, to fencing. Fencing is just a pansy’s excuse for not participating in sword fights like normal people, it a synonym for bullshit, how dare you slash at me with your dull tinfoil stick? Well I guess I’ll just have to slap you back with my bootleg pirate stick. My fishing rod can do more damage than that one swipe from it, and you’ll have a fucking hook in your mouth to deal with.

With the gathering of millions of folks from almost every nation in the world, security will be tight to prevent terror threats. If the Olympics would be a little more embracing to our extremist friends in the Middle East, everyone will have a good time. Since fencing is obviously for retards, we should replace it with Tinfoil vs. Sword. The idea is we have terrorists and fencers go in an all out battle, fencers are allowed one free strike at the terrorists with their rapier, then the terrorists get to hit the fencers with a sword. If the terrorist dies, it proves that fencing is dangerous and shouldn’t be an Olympic sport, if the fencer dies it proves that fencers are pathetic so there won’t be any fencers left to participate. Either way, we all win…except the fencers they get their asses kicked...And you might want to shoot the terrorists too while you're at it....before they blow up...or molest our children.

There are also “countries” in the Olympics that shouldn’t be in it, mainly Taiwan. Taiwan’s not a country based on the reasoning that a country must have at least one person who isn’t inbred, I’ve never seen a place more inbred, even their language is inbred. Speaking one of the hundreds of local Chinese dialects with a fake accent and calling it Taiwanese is the same as being shit.

The image is bigger than usual to give the illusion that this article is longer than it really is.

A Completely Biased Review of the 2004 Presidential Election

With the 2004 Presidential Election on many people’s minds, tensions are running high in the United States, so much tension in fact, that all I get are people sending me letters about why I should vote for Bush or Kerry. We published this article to let everyone know where we stand on this issue in the hopes that, after today, we will not receive another poorly written letter from assholes telling me whom to vote for.

Not everyone follows the election, but they should, it beats discussing how many times you wanked off to low quality lesbian porn last week. Here’s a recount of what’s been going on: Your four top runners for the 2004 presidential elections are President George W. Bush, Senator John Kerry, Ralph Nader, and Michael Badnarik. Who the fuck is Michael Badnarik you ask? Badnarik is the Libertarian candidate, who, along with best buddy Nader, should drop out and go raise chickens instead.



Nader, as most people should remember, was the bastard responsible for throwing off the vote count in Florida back in 2000, that and the fact that Mr. George's brother happened to be governor of the state. However, throwing off the election isn’t nearly as bad as just being ugly, not as ugly as Dennis Miller of course, but ugly enough that I think I’ll go to the next rally at his house and tell him how ugly he is. When people see Nader on the streets, they should scream, “AHHH! WHY ARE YOU ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS UGLY THAN DENNIS MILLER?” then run the other way, Nader will feel very special when people do this.



The more important candidates in this election are George W. Bush, I call him Georgie, and John Kerry, whose giant Botox head, can knock Dennis Miller to the fucking moon where moon men will indefinitely operate him on.



A few days ago, the Bush campaign released their new ad, which shows Kerry windsurfing one way, then another, supposedly portraying him as a flip-flopper. Logically, this is also suppose to mean that President Bush is not a flip-flopper, so logically, Georgie will sail sail right into the fucking ocean which will most likely result in being gay raped by sharks. But in defense of Georgie, we would just like to remind everyone that in Abu Graib prison, it was Team America doing the raping.



There are also a number of 527 (independent) ads, and with those, there is no question that the “Swift Boat Veterans” ad has become the most famous of all the crappy homemade videos. Featuring “veterans” who challenge Kerry’s courage during the Vietnam War, which Republican Senator John McCain who had worked closely with Kerry during the war denounced. But really, you’ve got to be as much of a fag as Late Night with Conan O'Brien’s Masturbating Bear to believe that a bunch of Klansman dressed up in hand-me-down Halloween costumes are really veterans, these people deserve some punishment, like having their asses lit on fire by Chinese fireworks.



Don’t like Georgie anymore? Don’t worry, you have another choice and that’s to vote for Senator John Kerry, the guy with the Botox face. Don't like his botox? It doesn't matter, Kerry is not nearly as much as a douche bag as Georgie. No one is going to assassinated Georgie because that’d be like killing a crippled monkey, and what sane person would have the heart to kill a crippled monkey. The only way to get Georgie to follow in the footsteps of his father is to vote for Senator Kerry.

As much as I want to start my own political party and have everyone vote for me just so that I can laugh at all the losers when I win, it’s not a good idea. So if you were planning to vote for The Commie and are now thinking along the lines of “I hate Bush and have reasons to justify it but I wouldn't vote for Kerry either,” you should go to hell for thinking like a fucking gypsy. I don’t tolerate the gypsies I have to beat down with my golf clubs everyday, so there’s no reason why I should have to tolerate the gypsies who fuck up in the voting booth by not voting Kerry this year.

Islamic Extremists for Dummies

After the Philippines withdrew their "MASSIVE" fifty-one peacekeeping troops from Iraq, the kidnappings are starting to intensify. A group calling itself "The Holders of the Black Banners" abducted three Indians, three Kenyans, and Egyptian truck drivers Wednesday, threatening to behead one every seventy-two hours unless the Kuwaiti company they work for closes its branches in Iraq. Friday morning, a group called “Lions of Allah Brigade” abducted an Egyptian diplomat. Does anyone else think this is getting a little old?

Personally, I’m slightly disappointed, I thought extremists who could plot hijacking planes and crashing them into buildings, and carry out the Madrid Train Bombing could be a little more creative than repeatedly kidnapping and beheading people. I know it must have been very exciting the first time, but how many times have this been done already? I propose some changes made to all Islamic Extremist Groups so that that their actions will always be as fresh as me.

1. 
   
   Replace those stupid looking guys wearing masks with the Teletubbies. Everyone will want to see the pimped up version of Twinkie Winkie, Po, whatever the rest of them are called, it will be educational too, every American child with brain-dead parents will now learn to speak Arabic, instead of saying “asshole,” they can now say “hottaha fi teezak,” wouldn’t that be cool? Little retards won't be the only demographic this latest change will apeal to,the gay population will be mesmerized as well, that’s like a buy 1 get 1 free deal! How can you argue with that? The right way to broadcast a hostage video.
   
2. Instead of a gun that shoots out dangerous bullets, use a hair dryer. Trust me, split ends are the worst things you can possibly get in the universe, AIDS is like strolling on the boardwalk compared to it. In no time at all your abducted buddy will be begging for mercy, every country in the world will submit to such formidable hair-spitting prowess.
   


3. This is the most important change to be made, do something other than beheading your hostages, it's boring. To make things more interesting for everyone, have the militants and hostages enter into friendly competition each day, like a ballet recital. Alternatively, everyone can play House, or Caves, depending on the current situation. A game everyone can play is chess, same rules, but instead of wooden pieces, we'll have people, each person carries a pouch of pixey dust. When captured, the captor takes a handful of pixey dust and sprinkles it on the opponent he captured, which will make him nice and sparkly, but complete useless, how kick ass is that? This will develop a sense of team spirit, when the game end everyone comes together for a big group hug, this way everyone wins!

I know that every extremist group will consider and adapt to my brilliant suggestions, in the end, everyone benefits from them. The United States hates gays to a point where they won't allow gays in teh army, they certainly expect extremists to threaten hostages with death, but they’ll never know what hit them if all they see are live footage of a bunch of homosexuals playing grabass.

Preorder your copies of Islamic Extremists for Dummies today!

(06-26-04) Update: The Lions of Allah Brigade has freed Mr. Qutb the Egyptian diplomat "because of the religious faith and moral qualities he possesses," Egypt also stated that it has no intention of training Iraqi troops. Excellent work Lions of Allah Brigade, you took my advice to heart and now everyone's happy.

A View on Homeless People

From Comrade Bhattacharyya (The Communist Antidisestablishmentarianist)

Have you ever walk down a street and suddenly a homeless guy pops up in front of you from out of nowhere and asks for money for “food?" If you actually gave those street beggars money, then you deserve to lose it, furthermore you are a dumbass. A fool and his money are soon parted.

Homeless people suck. I do however hate people who give money to beggars more than I hate beggars themselves. If you give money to homeless people, you become a victim, and you deserve to be homeless too. I don’t get it. Why do people give money to homeless people? You might as well buy booze, crack, and hookers yourself to eliminate the middleman. Do they honestly think they are making a difference in the world?

You think giving money is a good and charitable deed and that you are a good person if you do. You are not a good person if you give money to the homeless because you are a retard and you like fueling the plague of beggars in the city. People who give money to the homeless are the reason we have high crime rates and drug dealing. Charity doesn’t make a difference in the world. On the other hand, doing the opposite would make a difference, for the better. If you don’t give money to the homeless, they will die of starvation.

You may think this is cruel and evil (pussies), but it’s the best way to benefit society. If homeless people die, there will be a smaller population in the world. You will get rid of the non-contributing members to society and increase the average efficiency of the human population. A lower population leaves only the contributing members to society and thus puts less strain on the environment. Drug dealers will have less of a target audience and thus their business will become unprofitable. Crime rates will go down because of lower drug trafficking. Cities, states, and countries can spend less money on programs to shelter the homeless, combating crime, stopping druggies, and protecting the environment. That leaves more money for education and health improvement, this way everybody who isn’t homeless benefits. It’s a win-win situation and not a win-lose situation because everybody knows homeless people don’t matter.

A few days ago, I was in Baltimore Harbor walking down the street when a young hobo asks me how I am doing, better than you are obviously. He told me he wasn’t going to beg and started talking about freestyle rap. You’re obviously going to beg, so why else would you talk to me. I tried to walk away but this is one of those hobos that follow you until you play dead or you dish out 20 dollars. He started rhyming, pathetically trying to make a rap. “I’m sitting all alone out by the sea, all I ask is a little fee, to help out a homeless bum like me.” He must have spent a few years thinking that one up, and by this point, he was really pissing me off. I decided tell him my own rap as well. “Fuck off. Get a job,” rap doesn’t always have to rhyme. The hobo started begging and cursing. I couldn’t shake him off so I had to run to the nearest Barnes and Noble because he wasn’t wearing shoes. It’s then that I saw the book Mein Kampf for sale and I decided to buy it. It was pretty big so if the hobo came back I could chuck it at him.

The next day I was walking near the White House in D.C., atrocious as it was just being there, I had to notice an old hag who was throwing bread for the pigeons in the park asked for some money. She was the ugliest bitch that I have ever had the misfortune of looking at. She was dressed in red, white, and blue, had two American flags, and had a sticker of George Bush on her face. She said again, “could you spare some change?” Since she was throwing bread at the pigeons, I assumed she wouldn’t need any money to buy food because she was giving food to the pigeons. I decided to have some fun and I asked her why she wanted the money. She said that she needed it to buy food. I asked her why she needed it if she had bread in her hand in which to give the pigeons. She gave me a stern look as if I was evil, then that stupid crack whore called me a Nazi. I explained, “There’s a big difference between Communists and Nazis.” She stood up as if to defend her crack whoredom and her “democracy.” I then pulled out the copy of Mein Kampf, which I had conveniently stored in my backpack for just such an occasion. I said, “I’m sorry, I am a Nazi.” I gave her the book and watched her face as she read the authors name. Her jaw dropped almost as low as her saggy semen covered tits. I called her a Nazi and with her holding Mein Kampf, I’m sure a few people gave her odd looks.

I wish I could go back to the white house and make fun of that woman again.

C.I.A. Judgments on Iraq's Arms are Deeply Flawed

The Senate Intelligence Committee said Friday that the most pivotal assessments used to justify the war against Iraq were unfounded and unreasonable, and reflected major missteps by American intelligence agencies. "What the President and the Congress used to send the country to war was information provided by the intelligence community, and that information was flawed," said Senator Pat Roberts of Kansas, the panel's Republican chairman...Seems like there’s going to be a slight problem.

President Bush described Saddam Hussein in March 2002 as "a dangerous man who possesses the world's most dangerous weapons," Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld reassured the world of this in a speech January 2003. Turns out, evidence says that Saddam have nothing more than a small arsenal of weapons that are far from being capable of mass destruction. Nice job Bush, so much for being a religious man, what good is God if he won’t hide weapons of mass destruction in the “evil do-er’s” homeland.

How embarrassing is this going to be, "Sorry about murdering your sons, defiling your palaces, toppling that statue of yours, and stashing you in jail for half a year Mr. Hussein, let me brush you up a bit, you’re fine.” I feel sorry for the Shi'a, they’re out there proclaiming “Death to Saddam,” now the chances of that might be slim, and if no one can justify keeping the man behind bars, its going to be back to the shit houses for them…stupid Shi’a.

Of course, there’s also the matter of the current judge of Saddam’s trial who has personally made it a note to tell inform the Iraqi President that he is Former Iraqi President. He goes on to tell him that he worked as a judge under the old régime, nice job retard now you risk solitary confinement for the rest of your life.

In January 2003, an assessment found that "Saddam probably will not initiate hostilities for fear of providing Washington with justification to invade Iraq. Nevertheless, he might deal the first blow, especially if he perceives that an attack intended to end his regime is imminent." By March 17, 2003, before the American attack commenced, President Bush promised that the time of such risks was about to end. We would just like to take the time to present out heartfelt thanks to President Bush for his campaign against a country that in 2002 is said by US Intelligence to be more fragile militarily than in 1991. Thanks to the toppling of Saddam we no longer need to worry about guerrillas in Iraq, Al-Qaeda across the globe, Islamic extremists intent on killing us all, and India and Pakistan who actually have nuclear weapons pointing at each other. Oh look! Islamic militants are holding still holding that Filipino bus driver captive, President Arroyo, you're a disgrace to every female political leader, please retreat the 51 (actual number) troops you have in Iraq, they're working as janitors anyway and can't help President Bush, he gets rid of his evil do-ers.

Charge Saddam with sexism!...never mind that's the extreme Muslim way, better find something else to charge Saddam with.

Sources:
New York Times: Senators Assail C.I.A. Judgments on Iraq's Arms as Deeply Flawed
Washington Post: As Rationales for War Erode, Issue of Blame Looms Large
BBC News: Bush pledges intelligence reforms

My Friends the PETA

I wonder if the chickens ever look at each other and notice that THEY HAVE WINGS! Therefore, the reason why they can’t fly must be that they’re a bunch of morons. Here’s my question, if chickens are too stupid to realize that they can fly, or at least attempt to fly, they’re obviously they are too stupid figure out that they’ll eventually have their heads chopped off, or if they do realize they can fly, they obviously don’t care to, which means they don’t really care about death.

The PETA is composed of a bunch of whores who care about nothing more than satisfying their own greedy lust to feel as if they’ve done so much for everyone else. It’s clear that a majestic slaughtering is on the chicken’s mind, but if it’s not, what sparks that magical idea that they really care about how they meet the end?

In front of me is an article on the PETA that caught my eye, “Woman to Spend July Fourth Chained to Doghouse in Fight for Dogs’ Freedom.” At first I was all for praising this brave soul who would chain herself to a dog house just to support dog rights, but then I thought about it, and it doesn’t really make sense, think about it, she can’t possible fit into the doghouse unless the doghouse is huge, in which case the dog would have it pretty good. So if she can’t fit inside, she must have planned to chain herself outside…so she’s outside the doghouse, on the Forth of July, where should she not have chosen to chain herself to the doghouse, would be outside anyway reaping in the sight of beautiful fireworks…nice sacrifice.

I wonder if there are better things that the PETA can do, such as picking up litter or sweeping the sidewalks. Anything must be better than the “2004 Sexiest Vegetarians” contest they have on the main page of their site.

It’s a few days after July 4 now and I'm once again reading up on the latest PETA news. These activists are now handing out “McCruelty’s Unhappy Meals” pamphlets, which depict a Ronald McDonald wielding a bloody axe. Does anyone else find this just a tad extreme? Maybe once they try McDonald’s, they’ll realize that they should be protesting a restaurant that doesn’t substitute paper towels for meat.

Here’s an interesting fact that I found on PETA.org, “Fish don’t want to be cooped up in a tiny tank. They want to be free to swim the pond or great blue sea, as the case may be.” It might be a nice one-line definition of the term “retard” but its freedom of expression. What kind of fish doesn’t want to swim in a pond, which is basically a slightly larger tank with bacteria and ducks that kill them, I’m sure fleeing for their lives will not be what the article calls “Snoresville,” perhaps the “great blue sea,” which is obviously the result of global warming might be a better place for them instead.

Of course, for anyone who can’t get enough of animal fun, there’s cow and elephant appreciation day, a truly wonderful holiday where I celebrate the exquisite ivory that makes my chopsticks and chess pieces.

Run Away Chicken Charlie!

Seven Ways to Pass the GED

Ashamed that you never received your high school diploma? You should be failure. Luckily, you can take the GED an exam that, should you pass, grants you the equivalency of a high school diploma. Recalling the horrible memory of that 200 on your SATs already? That's why The People's Perception is here to help you pass the Communist Way™.

It was the beginning of another lovely spring morning, filling even the most corrupted of souls with bright optimism. Beautiful sunlight filtered through the leaves into the living room enlightening a majestic glow, nothing seemed far from reach...except passing that GED.

Fail high school? Received a low GPA? No college would accept you? There’s nothing to worry about! Just take the GED (General Educational Development Testing Service) and you’re all set to go.

Did you know that those who obtain scores high enough to earn a GED credential outperform at least 40 percent of today’s high school seniors? Were you ever aware of the fact that more than 95 percent of U.S. employers consider GED graduates the same as traditional high school graduates concerning hiring, salary, and opportunity for advancement? This mean, that should I pass the GED, I too can get a job at the supermarket…well, only 95 percent of the supermarkets.

If you do decide to take the GED here are seven great tips to help you pass, follow them and soon, you too will be on your way to a brighter future.

Study, this seems somewhat obvious, but it’s natural for people to doze off. So here’s the plan, hire a guy to hold a loaded pistol to your head, if you close your eyes he shoots you, the noise is guaranteed to wake you up.

Take out your old tests from your high school days and review them. What the hell, bring them along into the test hall, this way you will know that you failed the GED not because you were nervous, but because you were stupid.

Bring along a lucky item, charms usually brings confidence to its holder, however, since they obviously didn’t help you in high school just cut the crap and follow step one.

Take a few extra dollars with you, often, when your score is just below a pass it becomes necessary to bribe the instructor, if you look hard enough you’re bound to find $10 lying somewhere from that cashier job…oh wait, no you won’t that job requires a high school diploma!

Try to relax, remember it’s no big deal if you fail, by now you should be used to it.
If you don’t know an answer on a test, skip over it and do the easy problems first, actually, for you that would probably mean skipping over the entire test.
As a final resort, if you are unsure of the answer, just guess, keep in mind that the scantron machine is not as dumb as you are and will fail you once it realizes you decided to fill in every hole.

Still worried that you’ll be the only moron taking the test? Surprise! More than 860,000 adults worldwide take the GED Tests each year, which means that I’m better than 860,000 people…that makes me feel so good about myself.

The next step for GED graduates.

Most Shameful Projects of the Year Award

This week I attended a local science fair as one of the judges, however I found the projects so wonderful that I decided to hand out my own award, the "Most Shameful Project of the Year."

As one of the judges, my original intent was to go, compliment the projects, and take a few pictures for a column I was working on in the local paper. However, the paper went to press a bit earlier than I had anticipated. Looking back at the photos, I find that a few of the projects were done exceptionally well, but the rest just makes me glad that their parents will never have to be publicly humiliated on what a horrendous job their children did. If these kids want to give their moms something special for Mother's Day tomorrow, they should consider checking into a foster home.

My problem now is what to do with these pictures, the solution of course, was to have my own science fair competition, but instead of commending the best projects, The People’s Perception is pleased to present the “Most Shameful Projects of the Year."

First up are two crappy projects hand selected by my two fellow judges who didn't want anyone to feel that their project did not deserve the title garbage, they would like to tell these kids that they should not be allowed in the sun because their crappiness might be contagious.



By Jordan O'Reilly - 7th Grade
What the hell are bubles? The only thing more atrocious than your spelling is your is your project.

By Khadeeja Owusu-Achampong - 8th Grade
I sure hope that display board is refundable because you're not going to win with that piece of shit.

Next up are my choices for Honorable Mentions:

By Aaron Steinsaver - 6th Grade
Battle of the Battery, the title is already grammatically incorrect. The project tested whether a flashlight worked better with hot or cold batteries. Aaron had the ingenious idea to freeze and boil batteries. He then proceeded to stick them into two flashlights to see which one would run out of power first. It gets an honorable mention only because this was the stupidest idea I have ever heard. I was supposed to judge this project, but the kid didn't even bother to show up, hopefully he died from battery poisoning because little bastards who create shit like this do not have a right to live.

By Chimsomasa Ozuzu - 7th Grade
There was no reason to expect anything interesting from this girl, good genetics probably don't run in the family. However, the fact that the parents didn't even bother attempting to conceal the fact that they used a password generator to name their child is just wrong. Why title your project "The Sound of Music," when it is so obvious that this project represents "The Sound of Suck."

By Chris Agosto and Oshane Paige - 6th Grade
Coming in at third place is Atmospheric Hydrolysis, a title that the kid probably made up on the spot since I could not find it on the board. Now this sounded very sophisticated until I realized halfway through that he had absolutely no idea what hydrolysis meant, the entire project was on proving that humans can survive without an atmosphere. The colored tissue paper on the box to the right was supposed to act as an atmosphere, which he used to "filter" out the sunlight. Idiot, you just filtered out most of the nutrition plants need to go through photosynthesis, which is why the plants in that other shitty box without an “atmosphere” actually grew taller.

By Sidney Uppal - 8th Grade
Number 2 is Hovering Heaven. What exactly makes it a Hovering Heaven? Did you think that big floating toilet seat on the floor was going keep me from failing it? Wrong!

By Robbie Reid - 7th Grade
Finally, we have our top choice of shame. There were some terrible projects so far but nothing compares to this, if there was any content on this to begin with the kid must have been too poor to afford a glue stick. My fellow judge is seen here saluting this complete waste of paper, he hopes the kid gets shot. Nice job ruining society with this embarrassment kid. "Tasty?" only if you enjoy the taste of humiliation.

It pains me slightly to know that you kids are such fucking retards, for my seventh grade science fair project I discovered and proved Newton's Universal Law of Gravitation. Why can't you cretins do the same?

Congratulations to all winners of my competition. Aside from an official certificate certifying your achievement as fools, each of you will also receive a meter's worth of string (because you were not good enough for rope) in the mail. Put it to some good use and choke yourself with it, there is no room in the world for failures like you.

Foster Children Have No Futures

Thursday, March 18, 2004, The New York Times ran an article entitled "Youths Leaving Foster Care are Found Facing Obstacles," unfortunately some mistakes got pass the printer, don't worry, we are always here to help out!

On Thursday, March 18, 2004, The New York Times published an article entitled "Youths Leaving Foster Care are Found Facing Obstacles," this is the outline of what Monica Davey, the writer of this column, had to report (You find the full article here or at the New York Time's website).

A study, tracking 732 youths commissioned by the three Midwestern states for $1.2 million has found the following:

1. 17-year-olds in the Midwest are lagging behind in school


2. Running into trouble with the law


3. Struggling with psychological problems.


4. Virtually all of the 17-year-olds were held back a grade.


5. Twice as likely to have been suspended from school.


6. More than half arrested.


7. More than a third had spent a night at a correctional facility.


8. One-fifth reported convicted of a crime.


9. Nonetheless, the study says that about 90 percent of those surveyed said they were optimistic about the future.

For about $3 worth of bus fare I could've saved these morons $1.2 million. Do we really need a survey wasting, trees, water, energy, lead, and time just to find out that foster children are more stupid than that old neighbour of mine who claims that his dead dog, decomposing outside his yard for the last year, is only "sleeping?" What else can you expect from stupid little bastards who lives with nuns and other stupid little bastards all their lives? The only fact that surprised me was the last who would've guessed that foster children would be so excited about their futures? Why stick in a line in reassuring everyone that 90% of the foster children are optimistic about the future? This is so great! These uneducated probably at some point incarcerated children are optimistic about their future!

Now, I'm not exactly sure if the gullible citizens out there today, stupid enough to categorize obesity as a disease, realize that these foster kids have no future. I wonder if anyone truly understands that most of them won't get into college, most of them won't get a job, most of them will be the people who, ten years from now will mug you on a dark ally. How's prostitution sound? Who knows? Maybe someday one of them will become pregnant, gods forbid, and...oh look! Out comes another foster child, don't worry; I'm sure it'll be optimistic about its future as well.

I wonder if they'll still be optimistic about the future once they become janitors at their local high schools, or flipping burgers at McDonalds, perhaps yelling "Price-Check!" at the drug store, but hey, work hard enough, someday you just might become Head Janitor of McDonalds how's that for optimism.

What the hell did they accomplish with this $1.2 million survey anyway? Why not just spilt that $1.2 million, you can provide the same 732 youths with $1639.34 each. They might appreciate that more than the day they turn 21 when they come home at 11:00pm to find another survey waiting for them, but it shouldn't take too long to fill out, all they really have to do is send that same blank sheet back.

A doctor...one of the many professions foster children will never become

Playing Chess Will Turn You Queer

There is nothing "royal" about promoting cross-dressing


Just let the queers marry already or at least have the balls to come out and tell everyone yoru plans for a mass gay-genocide. I'm tired of hearing stupid politicians bitch about the subject. Here's something interesting though, chess, the "royal game" supports our queer friends.

I am sick of hearing politicians bitch about homosexuals all day, either let them marry or kill them all, it's as simple as that. I am also sick of straight guys pretending they are gay, like Eric McCormick on Will and Grace. What is so interesting about the life of a gay man and his gay friends? One day I am going to stop watching that show.

As much as gays intimidate many of us, they are just regular people, aside from the fact that they are gay. However, gays have a very profound influence on every aspect of life, even in the game of chess. I play chess, go to rated tournaments and recently got beat pretty beat by a girl of maybe 17 or 18, who kept flashing her breasts at me the entire time, afterwards she shows me that any move I make leads to mate, this got me pretty pissed so I karate chopped that stupid bitch. Anyway, I lost a lot of interest in the game after I beat a master, bad idea, now I have to live with the thought that I lost to a whore.

Chess is probably more gay then Twister™. Just those stupid little pawns lined up in a row in front of all those pieces, I bet they are holding hands and getting ass-raped by the guys in the back. The way they move is even more disturbing, the stupid little shits move forward but kills diagonally, line them up properly and you have your own gay triangle. Once the bitches reaches the last file they are promoted, and here's the proof that every chess player is gay, they always promote to queen, which used to be called an advisor until some fag thought that a woman on the battlefield is much more realistic. Of course, they always had the choice to promote to a rook, knight, bishop, but everyone chose to go the transsexual way. What is this? Why are pawns able to go both ways? Are they some sort of aborted fetus from teen pregnancy?

In New York City last week, some guy came up to me, gives me a Nazi heil, then says "Hey there sailor!" What does that even mean? I did not know either, so I did the safe thing and sent my Red Guards after him, asshole, heil my communist buddies bitch!

I think it looks better this way