The Worst Show on Television

I use to wake up on Saturday mornings at 5am to catch two reruns of Scooby-Doo on Canada’s Teletoon, and then flip over to Y-TV to join Bugs Bunny on his always-exhilarating adventures. Years later, I would tune into Seinfeld, and Frasier on NBC, then the Simpsons, and my personal favorite, Family Guy on Fox. Someone should sentence to life to whoever canceled Family Guy for two years because it got lower ratings than Survivor. Hey! I got a great idea for the next Survivor Series its call “Survivor AIDS,” how it works is, we have all the contestants contract AIDS and see who survives!

Of course, with the good comes the bad. I don’t mean bad as in “this show is shit,” I mean bad as in “I’d rather suffocate in shit then watch another second of this show.” The “show” I’m referring to is of course, Dennis Miller.

For those who don’t know, Miller is a very retarded far right ringer. That alone is nothing too bad, the fact that he’s not funny, has zero talent, and is greatly despised even by the homeless man I gave $0.25 last week to let me quote how much he hates Dennis Miller. "I hate Dennis Miller," says a homeless guy.

On a recent Tonight Show appearance in June, Dennis Miller said the following, “You can use a credit card at McDonalds now. Yeah, because what fun is being morbidly obese if you're not bankrupt too.” Yes, very clever, Americans must blame McDonald’s dollar menu for making them bankrupt, good job dumbshit. Didn’t like that one well this is guaranteed to make you jump off a building laughing, “John Kerry had arthroscopic surgery. Evidently, he had some repetitive stress injury. I think it was from all those years of changing his vote in the Senate.”

Here’s a quick quiz, the question is “Does Dennis Suck?” These are the choices: Yes.

Miller’s latest show on CNBC, with the uncreative title “Dennis Miller,” begins with him pretending to be a news anchor, while making “witty” comments. For example, "15,000 people auditioned for the new American Idol, wow, 15,000 maybe I can sing too (pause) no I can't (pause) its times like this that makes me happy I have that brain thinking, (no one laughs), maybe I should have had my brain thinking and not tell that joke (dead silence)." I find laundry spinning in a dryer more entertaining than that Miller's humor. I suppose we should applause him for saying anything at all, this is the man who once told an off joke then decided it would be hilarious to leave his seat for five minutes! I’ll just assume that it’s supposed to be hilarious and that all ten people in his audience are dunces for not laughing. Is the news just more funny than his commentary? I'd have laughed if he had said, 15,000 people auditioned for the latest American Idol, maybe with 15,000 people offline, I can finally get better download speeds on my lesbian porn...it's funny because its true.

Which brings me to another point, the best late night shows such as The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, or Late Night with Conan O'Brien have hundreds of people in their audience who genuinely express their enjoyment through laughter, others like Letterman at least keep their applause signs working. However, they never have the common courtesy to thank the audience every time they applause like Dennis does? They would have to do so a couple hundred more times than Dennis each night, but you never know if you don't try.

I enjoy Dennis Miller for the monkey on his show, which he dresses in a diaper and throw rocks at the entire show to piss it off, where the hell is PETA when you need them? PETA should stop bitching over the quality of pot rats are smoking in labs and get that poor monkey off the stage. I would rather be a human gunnie pig testing makeup for ugly people, who should stop kidding themselves, than be anywhere near Dennis Miller and his mix of racist, sexist, over the top conservative act. Plus I don't like having rocks thrown at me.

Here are my suggestions to Dennis Miller

1. Stop using beginning your sentences with "Now I don't mean to get off on a rant here." - You're getting off on a rant we know that, so either shut up or finish it so everyone can go home and agree with me on how much you suck.


2. Commit suicide - Seriously, your ratings will go through the roof once people realize that your pathetic show has been replaced with The People's Perception with The Commie.

Now I don’t mean to get off on a rant here, but Dennis Miller should stop being a whore, of course that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Notice: 07-16-2005: As of May 2005, CNBC cancelled Dennis Miller. Sucker.