The True Spirit of Sport

On August 13, the Olympic flames will ignite in the city of Athens uniting the world under one banner. However, there are always those brain-dead little assholes intent on screwing with the well-being of the rest of us.

With five days left until the gathering of the best athletes in the world, we still hear bastards complaining about the ineffectiveness of drug testing. Of course, there are also those who believe that there shouldn’t be any drug testing at all. So once again, I must call upon my great array of wisdom to solve this problem. Here’s my solution, there will no longer be drug testing at any Olympic event, all athletes must now take steroids on a daily basis. This is great idea eliminates the need for drug testing while enhancing the competition, it’s like killing two birds with one stone, and since the plan is fool proof, you don’t need to worry about the birds crapping on you in case you miss.

With all the terrific sports in the Olympics, there are some that are slightly questionable, I’m referring of course, to fencing. Fencing is just a pansy’s excuse for not participating in sword fights like normal people, it a synonym for bullshit, how dare you slash at me with your dull tinfoil stick? Well I guess I’ll just have to slap you back with my bootleg pirate stick. My fishing rod can do more damage than that one swipe from it, and you’ll have a fucking hook in your mouth to deal with.

With the gathering of millions of folks from almost every nation in the world, security will be tight to prevent terror threats. If the Olympics would be a little more embracing to our extremist friends in the Middle East, everyone will have a good time. Since fencing is obviously for retards, we should replace it with Tinfoil vs. Sword. The idea is we have terrorists and fencers go in an all out battle, fencers are allowed one free strike at the terrorists with their rapier, then the terrorists get to hit the fencers with a sword. If the terrorist dies, it proves that fencing is dangerous and shouldn’t be an Olympic sport, if the fencer dies it proves that fencers are pathetic so there won’t be any fencers left to participate. Either way, we all win…except the fencers they get their asses kicked...And you might want to shoot the terrorists too while you're at it....before they blow up...or molest our children.

There are also “countries” in the Olympics that shouldn’t be in it, mainly Taiwan. Taiwan’s not a country based on the reasoning that a country must have at least one person who isn’t inbred, I’ve never seen a place more inbred, even their language is inbred. Speaking one of the hundreds of local Chinese dialects with a fake accent and calling it Taiwanese is the same as being shit.

The image is bigger than usual to give the illusion that this article is longer than it really is.