My Friends the PETA

I wonder if the chickens ever look at each other and notice that THEY HAVE WINGS! Therefore, the reason why they can’t fly must be that they’re a bunch of morons. Here’s my question, if chickens are too stupid to realize that they can fly, or at least attempt to fly, they’re obviously they are too stupid figure out that they’ll eventually have their heads chopped off, or if they do realize they can fly, they obviously don’t care to, which means they don’t really care about death.

The PETA is composed of a bunch of whores who care about nothing more than satisfying their own greedy lust to feel as if they’ve done so much for everyone else. It’s clear that a majestic slaughtering is on the chicken’s mind, but if it’s not, what sparks that magical idea that they really care about how they meet the end?

In front of me is an article on the PETA that caught my eye, “Woman to Spend July Fourth Chained to Doghouse in Fight for Dogs’ Freedom.” At first I was all for praising this brave soul who would chain herself to a dog house just to support dog rights, but then I thought about it, and it doesn’t really make sense, think about it, she can’t possible fit into the doghouse unless the doghouse is huge, in which case the dog would have it pretty good. So if she can’t fit inside, she must have planned to chain herself outside…so she’s outside the doghouse, on the Forth of July, where should she not have chosen to chain herself to the doghouse, would be outside anyway reaping in the sight of beautiful fireworks…nice sacrifice.

I wonder if there are better things that the PETA can do, such as picking up litter or sweeping the sidewalks. Anything must be better than the “2004 Sexiest Vegetarians” contest they have on the main page of their site.

It’s a few days after July 4 now and I'm once again reading up on the latest PETA news. These activists are now handing out “McCruelty’s Unhappy Meals” pamphlets, which depict a Ronald McDonald wielding a bloody axe. Does anyone else find this just a tad extreme? Maybe once they try McDonald’s, they’ll realize that they should be protesting a restaurant that doesn’t substitute paper towels for meat.

Here’s an interesting fact that I found on PETA.org, “Fish don’t want to be cooped up in a tiny tank. They want to be free to swim the pond or great blue sea, as the case may be.” It might be a nice one-line definition of the term “retard” but its freedom of expression. What kind of fish doesn’t want to swim in a pond, which is basically a slightly larger tank with bacteria and ducks that kill them, I’m sure fleeing for their lives will not be what the article calls “Snoresville,” perhaps the “great blue sea,” which is obviously the result of global warming might be a better place for them instead.

Of course, for anyone who can’t get enough of animal fun, there’s cow and elephant appreciation day, a truly wonderful holiday where I celebrate the exquisite ivory that makes my chopsticks and chess pieces.

Run Away Chicken Charlie!